Stay by my side
by Uyuki
Summary: A short TsuzukixHisoka story based on a spanish song. ONESHOT hopefully


**Disclaimer: **Again, I've kidnaped Hisoka and Tsuzuki... I hope Yoko Matsushita won't kill me because of that, I promise to give them back safely. I must warn you now, English is not my mother tongue, I'm mexican so Spanish is way easier for me, still, I like English and I'm translating my own fics. If you see any spelling mistake or grammar issue for that matter please do tell me, but don't be so harsh. I will never be as good in English as I'm in Spanish.

Just so you now, because of a complaint I received in Spanish(one is more than enough) I changed the story a bit so I removed the lyrics of a spanish song, apparently it's not allowed because of author's rights (wich in the strict sense is right) and they could have removed the story from the site.

Honestly, I don't mind. But I don't want troubles because of lyrics (come on, I still see fanfics with lyrics on it and no one says anything), I never said the song was my and I wasn't making any money out of it. But anyway, I'm not gonna make a big deal. Here is the story, I just removed the song.

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**Stay by my side.**

By Uyuki

Tsuzuki let a frustration sigh trough his troat for the tenth time in just one minute. Hisoka was starting to loose his patience with his partner. The news he told him were the cause of his state, and the empat had no idea whatsoever to how reverse the efect, without havign to use too many words. Not because his vocabulary was poor or anything. It was just that seeing the effect on Tsuzuki's face with his words made him feel down.

"Would you please shut up?", said Hisoka, "I can't work."

"Are you really leaving?... Will you leave Meifu?"

"I told you once and I'm not saying it agin."

The purple-eye shinigami stood up and walk towards the window, watching those eternal sakura trees that were the main characteristic of Meifu. This time he was gonna stay calm instead of bursting into tears. Probably that was one of the main reason of Hisoka to leave. Tsuzuki felt really bad about it, he was really fond of the boy. The nights he had being with him, most of them in silence so that he wouldn't perturb him from his reading, he felt really good... even calm, wich was not common. Even so, he wasn't able to get the faintest smile from Hisoka. It hurt

"I'm only considering it Tsuzuki, it's not definite."

The man jumped surprised in that moment, he hadn't notice that Hisoka was standing behind him, his arms crossed and with an unreadable face.

"The fact that you _are_ considering it its more than enough." Tsuzuki stared back at the sakura trees again, "besides, it was you who told me to stay by your side... I don't understand."

For all answer, the boy blushed inmediatly and had to look away so that his partner wouldn't notice. That comment was more than enough to shut him up in one second, and he didn't like that.

"I know."

"So," the shinigami turned around to look at him, but he only face Hisoka's back, "why are you even considering it? You don't like me? Do I exasperate you? Tell me what you don't like and I'll change it inmediatly, even if you ask me to stop eatinig candies... I would do it happily if with that you stayed."

Hisoka didn't had the courage to turn around and face Tsuzuki. He could feel his gaze staring at his back insistantly. However, he gather all his strenght so that he would not give in and ended up turning around,he was afraid of confronting his partner. He didn't want to do it ever.

"At least spend some time with me, while you decide. Let me try to convince you... I won't touch you if you don't want to... please Hisoka. Let me try."

The empat didn't answer back. The emotions that were flowing from Tsuzuki were to strong, but also warm and Hisoka didn't know how to classify them. He could recognise some of then, like despair and sadness... but there was some others too, and as they were all mixed together it was difficult to interpret. Of course, the was also the detail that Hisokas inexperience in certain emotion make it impossible to the boy to know them at all.

The fact that Hisoka stood in silence only made Tsuzuki feel worse than before. Still, the empat decided to ignore him. Even though he knew that his partner would always be there for him Hisoka felt lonely, and the sensation had being with him since he was a child, when his parents disowned him because of his empathy.

Hisoka knew more than enough to realise that Tsuzuki liked him beyond a companionship, and that he would fight with all his strenght before he let him go. Hisoka hated that. He didn't want to cling to Tsuzuki because then a possible separation would be devastating for both of them.

"¿Hisoka?"

The boy remained silent but nodded with his head to the petition Tsuzuki made minutes before, of course, Tsuzuki changed into a chibi-inu and started to make little joy hops around the room. That was another thing that Hisoka couldn't put up with.

His partner was like a 5 year-old boy trapped in a grown-up body. And he always had that damn smile in his face that told you that everything was fine, even when it wasn't completely true. Tsuzuki only got serious in extreme situations, like cases. Hisoka has never been able to smile like him. He was perfectly aware that the shinigami kept secrets in the deepest parts of his heart, and that he wouldn't allow Hisoka to take a glance at them never. Once he heard Tatsumi saying that Tsuzuki would never allow his dearest one to sink alogn with him because of his emotions, and that was why he never told anything to anyone, in preference, he showed happiness, even when his heart was breaking into pieces.

"Would you like to eat something?"

"Eh," Hisoka snapped out of his thoughts by a smiling Tsuzuki standing in front of him, "yeah, sure."

"What do you want to eat," asked the older shinigami, with his everlasting simile still on his face, "we could go first to a coffeeshop, or maybe you want sushi, or pasta, or-"

"Whatever you want should do"

Tsuzuki nod happily ando took him to a wonderfuly pleasant place, warm and cosy, and one of the few places that weren't jam-packed with people as very few actually knew about the place. As expected, in the menu was all kind of food, so Hisoka and Tsuzuki could ask for anything they felt like. The lightbrown-haired boy opened the menu to place it quickly in between him and his partner, that way he could allow himself to smile briefly because of Tsuzuki's consideration towards him.

"You know what to order yet?"

"Eh?... um... what will you ask for?"

"Sushi, tempura, steak, salad, more fish... and I'm not sure about the spaguetti... I know the dish is quite big and they've got a vast array of desserts in here, I won't be able to eat them if I eat too much pasta, is just that I've had a craving since this-"

"I'll ask for it...," interrupted Hisoka, lowering the menu, "you can eat half if you like, is too much for me."

"That's all?... Just that?" Tsuzuki was astonished, as if he couldn't believe that a younger person, therefore with more energy than him, could eat so few.

"Yes."

"You eat very few boy."

Hisoka shot him a deadly look. "That's not true. And don't call me boy," he blushed lighltly with that last comment.

The violet-eyed shinigami smiled and called the waiter to order the food. Of course, the man almost had a heart attack when he saw the excessive amount of food they asked for... and he didn't even know that most of it was for only one person. It was until Tsuzuki was actually talking with somebody else that Hisoka became aware of the fact that _someone_ had to replace him as Tsuzuki's partner. Hisoka feared that, mainly because Tsuzuki was the only person that accepted him just as he was. Without running away from his empathy as others did. The idea that someone else took his place, snatching _his_ Tsuzuki terryfied him. He didn't want to ceased his existance without having felt that special warmth inside him.

"Soka, are you alright?"

"Yeah... why," he dared to ask.

"You're terribly blushed... and I haven't said anything to provoke you.

Hisoka's blush got worse and he wasn't able to hide it or stop it for that matter.

It took his skin ten whole minutes to recover its normal tone, mostly because Tsuzuki wouldn't stop staring at him. Apparently, the elder shinigami enjoyed that. They stayed in silence for a couple of minutes. For the first time in so long, Tsuzuki had no idea to how to start a conversation. With all this of Hisoka going from Meifu in his head he couldn't think in anything else. After another couple of minutes, Tsuzuki dared to ask the question he had being dying to ask.

"Will you at least tell me why you want to go?"

"No," In fact, Hisoka wasn't even sure. How could he answer a question he hadn't even consider in the first place, "And even if I answer you, I wouldn't want to end in bad terms with you... we could just stay as friends," he suggested, knowing it wasn't the best of ideas.

"Sure," Hisoka noticed a hint of pain in his partner's voice.

The boy was forced to look away and set his sight in anything else but his partner's eyes... they were so dull that Hisoka felt bad because he knew he provoked it. Tsuzuki sighed, he hated his actual position with the young empath, and he knew that if he started to feel stronger emotions Hisoka would notice inmediately, and that wasn't gonna be helpful at all. The best was to tell him what was in his mind, before his feelings were strong enough for Hisoka to feel them... because then Tsuzuki wouldn't speak.

Nevertheless, that thought reached Hisoka's mind and he tensed. Guessing his partner's intentions wasn't so complicated after all.

"Hisoka... I know this might not be the best idea at the moment but... I wan to tell you-"

"No! Don't say it," the boy lowered his eyes, "I don't want..."

"But I need to, if you're leaving, at least I want you to know... I love you."

In that instant, a wave of emotions reached Hisoka and he didn't know how to interpret them. Was that love? Could all that jumble of feelings meet in only 4 letters?

Hisoka started to get nervous. That wave that pulled him down was very similar to the one he felt everytime he saw Tsuzuki. He had asked to some of his co-workers if they knew what it meant and all answer back the same. That it was love. As a result, the boy wanted to deny it, however, all those answers were confirmed with Tsuzuki's declaration... those feelings were nothing else than pure love. Hisoka feared that love. He couldn't just tell Tsuzuki that he didn't love him because he would be lying to himself, but flunging to his neck and kiss him wasn't an option either. He was afraid of loosing him... simply because loosing him meant that he had to have him, and having him meant that he would be dependant on him, and by depending on him any kind of rupture betwen them woudl break his heart. He didn't want to go trough that.

"I can imagine what you'll answer," said Tsuzuki, "but I don't want you to do it, I don't want to hear that asnwer. Think about it, I know you need to."

In that instant, the food arrived. The waiter put everything on the table and Hisoka was pleased that he had something to eat so that he didn't have to say anything to Tsuzuki. All this was setting his nerves on edge.

Hisoka ate as slowly as he could, trying to avoid Tsuzuki's glance by pretending he was very busy with his spaguetti... but an hour later he was running out of it. How could he explain the elder shinigami that all his problems, his nervous attitude, his necessity and basically everything that bothered him was he... Tsuzuki?... How could he explain him that love him wasn't so simple after all?

Tsuzuki always made him nervous, and made him blush with no apparent reason, which by the way, bothered him a lot because his coldness and fixed expression were never affected by anybody else. The weakness he felt when he was standing in front of him made him feel like a small child.

"And I'm not a kid," Hisoka muttered, without noticing that Tsuzuki heard him.

"I haven't even said anything this time."

"Oh for Kami-sama... Did you hear me," another blush started to appear in Hisoka's cheek.

"Loud and clear."

"Do I really anoy you that much," that wasn't a question. Hisoka was certain it was a declaration.

"I... of course not... you're an idiot, but just that."

"Yeah, sure."

Tsuzuki went back to his food, way less happy than before. No, happy wasn't the word... Tsuzuki wasn't joyful, he was just calm, but with Hisoka's comment, that tranquility ended abruptely. There was no way he could persuade Hisoka, and there would never be. How could he let him know how much he needed him by his side? How could he explain the boy that he loved him, even if it wasn't two-sided? If he didn't do something, he would loose Hisoka forever.

"You don't need to explain anything," said Hisoka when all those thoughts from Tsuzuki reached his mind, "I already know."

"Then don't go... you have the advantage to read my emotions, sometimes even my feelings... I don't have it."

The boy looked him harshly, trying desperately not to collapse.

"You don't have to be strong all the time Hisoka... is alright to love...

That was too much. Hisoka stood up with his eyes lowered to his feet, his hair coveringthose deep green eyes that were welling up with unwanted tears. The young shinigami had to gather all the strenght he had left in order not to cry in fron of Tsuzuki.

"Soka?"

"... I don't love you Tsuzuki... Is that clear?"

The purple-eyed shinigami noded, but he knew the boy was just lying to pretend to be stronger. Hisoka stormed out the restaurant and vanished in the streets. Tsuzuki finished his meal but he wasn't able to ask for any dessert. His appetite simply went away. He was more worried about his partner.

He stayed in the restaurant for about an hour until the waiter brought him the bill as he wasn't gonna ask for anything else. Tsuzuki went back home and entered the room with a hint of sadness. Hisoka got upset because of him. He turneda night lamp on and got rid of his coat when he became aware of a weird shape in the sofa. Were those his clothes?

He approached the sofa and soon he glimpsed the face of his partner. In his cheeks the remains of past tears. Tsuzuki smiled calmly, he could now be sure that Hisoka wouldn't leave. He sat on the sofa and took the boy gently in his arms to put him back in his lap.

"Thanks Hisoka."

Tsuzuki never noticed that the boy was actually awake. And Hisoka only smiled when he felt that his parther made him rest his head on his lap.

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Okay. Finally done.

Sometimes, I hate translating from Spanish to English... the grammar is a pain in the - (you know the word).

Anyway, here is it. I know it must have quite a lot of grammar issues (probably not so much of spelling, but one never knows), I'll be glad to receive any king of constructive criticism. I need to get better in English.

Now I just hope it actually makes sense, because I think that sometimes can be confusing to discern who's thoughts I'm describin. It makes a lot more sense in Spanish, but I really hope I didn't mess it too much in the translation.

Let me know.


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